Monday, April 2, 2012

Red Harvest

Written by: Joe Schreiber
3645 BBY

THIS BOOK IS TERRIBLE. I am not joking. This book is miserable. Listen Joe, if you want to write a book about zombies, write a book about zombies. Do not write a STAR WARS book about zombies. I learned nothing and it in no way ties into the rest of the saga. It will not come back later except in the other book YOU wrote.

First: The Sith temple is on Korriban. Don't make shit up that you don't know about.
Second: At least try to make up other planets and not use the same ones from the movies. It shows lack of originality which you clearly have none of.
Third: With all the aliens in the galaxy to choose from you went with zombies?

Now I understand that your writing is weak and that you have no originality, hence why you are doing a zombie book, and you feel that the only way your book can be sold and read is by having the Star Wars label on it. Bravo! You did it. The only reason I bought your book was because of this blog and my desire to read all of the books in order (or close). The people who like this book are not true Star Wars fans and probably have issues.

Oh yeah and I didn't finish it (it was that bad) but I can probably tell you what happened. Every dies and turns into zombies except the one Jedi who was talking to plants. Am I right? Oh! I am! Not shocked.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Darth Bane: Dynasty of Evil

Written by: Drew Karpyshyn
990 BBY

HOLY EPIC ENDING BATMAN!!!! OMG this was the best series ever!!! If George Lucas wants to do a "prequel to the prequel to the main event" series this HAS to be it! Darth Bane makes Darth Vader look like a pussy. He is a true badass and this was one of the best ending to a series that I have ever read. I was so shocked and happy and satisfied and still want more and more. I'm looking at you Lucas, make these movies! But do NOT under any circumstances have anyone like Hayden Christiansen play any character.

I won't do my usual synopsis here because you have to read it for yourself and everyone deserves the same reaction I had. It was so epic!!

All I'm going to say is that the battle scene that we have been waiting for was exactly like I imagined it would be only better. Christopher Paolini could take a few pointers for his Eragon series. When you build something up it better be amaz-balls and it was.

Let me know what you think after you all read them or if anyone has comment below and share your thoughts. I want 1 million strong for Bane!

Darth Bane: Rule of Two

Written by: Drew Karpyshyn
1,000 BBY

The sequel begins after the final battle of Ruusan where the thought bomb has detonated. Darovit, a human male and cousin to Darth Zannah, has survived the thought bomb even though he is believed to be force sensitive and everything that was force sensitive was to be destroyed by the bomb. He finds his way to the cave to see the devastation for himself and finds the orb that is now the thought bomb. He reaches his hand out to touch it and immediately recoils feeling the suffering first hand and unable to handle it. He collapses to the floor.

Bane and Zannah return to the Sith camp where a couple of hired guns from the remaining/recently disbanded Sith Army are ransacking the place. Bane kills most of them and leaves a few surviving so they can spread rumors about a Dark Lord. They are not reliable sources and will therefore be discredited leaving the rumors to become legend and no one to truly taking them seriously.

At the camp Bane discovers that Lord Qordis has found the location of Freedon Naad's tomb (a dark lord of the Sith that lived 3,000 years ago). Bane then takes Zannah to see the bomb so she can understand what has happened here and the destruction that comes with a corrupted Sith ideology. As they arrive in the cave, Darovit hears the sounds in the tunnel he was trying to find his way out of. He stumbles back into the cave and recognizes his cousin. He was so sure she didn't make it and is elated to discover she is alive. She turns her back on him and stays loyal to her master. But to save his life from Bane, she destroys his hand and together Bane and her leave the cave.

Bane decides to go to Dxun to find Nadd's tomb and hopefully his holocron. He tells Zannah to meet his on Onderon in 10 days. The catch is she has to find her own way there. As she protests, bane explains that she has the ability to become more powerful than him and one day challenge him for the title of Dark Lord of the Sith. In order to do that she has to prove that she can survive. He then gets in his craft and flies off.

Johun Othone, former Jedi padawan of General Hoth, is high above the planet of Ruusan and dealing with the evacutation and destruction of the planet. He does not beleive that all the Sith have escaped and asks General Farfalla to return to Ruusan to check. Farfalla refuses but Othone goes anyway. On the planet he runs into the mercenaries that Bane left alive and they are telling their story of the Sith. He takes them to Farfalla who immediately discredits them. Meanwhile, the crew of the ship that Johun arrived on Ruusan in find what they believe to be a lost little girl but its really Zannah. They try to take her to the Jedi and she freaks out and kills all of them saying she has to get to Onderon.

Bane crash lands on Dxun and begins to look for Nadd's tomb. He finds the place and locates the holocron. As he reaches out to grab it all these bugs start to attack him. Two manage to grab on and he cannot get them off. He runs out of the chamber and begins to meditate over the holocron. Throughout his studies he realizes that the creatures are called Orbalisks and that they are parasitic and there is no way to remove them. They will multiply and spread over his body leaving him completely covered. They will also crate an armor that nothing can get through included a lightsaber, and provide him with amazing healing powers. But in return Bane will live in constant pain and they will feed off of the dark side in him.

Bane then leaves his ruined ship and finds a flying creature that will get him to Onderon. Dxun is Onderon's moon and the atmospheres are so close they touch. He flies to Onderon and arrives just as Zannah is getting into trouble with some locals. Together they board Zannah's ship and take off to Ambria.

Johun has returned to Coruscant with Master Farfalla to meet with Chancellor Valorum. Valorum is the first non-Jedi chancellor ever elected. He also wants to pass many new reformations that will limit the Jedi's abilities to control the galaxy. Valorum requests a Jedi to be his council and Farfalla promotes Johun to full Jedi Knight and Valorum's council.

TEN YEARS LATER:
Zannah is a beautiful woman and she and Bane are living on Ambria. Zannah is training in the arts of Sith Sorcery, mostly by herself. She is sent on assignment to Serenno to goad a separatist movement into acting before it is ready. She uses Kel, an affluent Twi'lek to spur the movement along and they decide that since former chancellor Valorum is arriving on a diplomatic mission, they will assassinate him. Content with her plan, Zannah returns to Ambria to find that Bane has failed once again at making his own holocron and that he has destroyed the camp.

The plan on Serenno gets put into motion and Valorum is attacked as he lands on the planet. Fortunately, Johun is there to save him and kills all of the assassins, including Kel. Zannah returns to Serenno to see if the plan worked and gets attacked by the surviving separatist members. She then goes to see the leader Hetton and discovers that he is strong in the force and obsessed with the dark side. She decides to take him to Ambria to see if he can defeat Bane. He does not and she says that she did not betray Bane but instead brought him the location of the holocron that can help him make his own holocron.

Bane is worried that the orbalisks are the reason his holocron is failing and decides to send Zannah to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant to try to find a way the orbalisks can be removed. Meanwhile, he will travel into the Deep Core to the world of Tython to find this missing holocron.

Darovit is now an older man living as a hermit on Ruusan, helping to heal the planet and the people. Johun has decided that a memorial to the one hundred Jedi that lost themselves to the thought bomb should be built on Ruusan. Darovit keeps attacking the building site and slowing the pace of accomplishment. Johun figures out that it is being tampered with and catches Darovit. He then realizes that Darovit knows that they are Sith and that he would be believed. He takes Darovit to Coruscant to tell the council his story.

At the temple, Darovit runs into Zannah and recognizes her just as she finds what she needs. She figure out that he is there to turn her in and that they need to run. They take off to Tython and when Johun and Farfalla come looking for Darovit they realize what has happened. The contact other Jedi and head off to destroy the Sith.

On Tython, bane has found the holocron and is learning through it when Zannah and Darovit approach. Coming in behind them are the Jedi and the Sith prepare for a battle. They battle and destroy the Jedi but at a cost. Bane released force lightning that rebounded on him and burned some of the orbalisks. They have begun to kill him so Zannah takes him to the healer Caleb on Ambria.

Once on Ambria, Caleb refuses to help. He cannot be bullied like he was the last time because pain means nothing to him and he sent his daughter away. There is no leverage to use. Darovit suggests that if Zannah sends a beacon to the Jedi stating that the Sith are captured on Ambria, Caleb will help. She send the signal and Caleb begins to remove the orbalisks. He removes them all and Bane begins to heal. Zannah has to figure out how to destroy the Jedi and escape. As Bane awakens, he feel betrayed and asks for death. Zannah refuses and comes up with a plan. She kills Caleb and uses her Sith Sorcery to turn Darovit insane. Then she leaves the Jedi lightsabers with Darovit and masks her and Bane's presence with the force as the Jedi arrive. They see the death of Caleb and the madness of Darovit and decide that he is the Sith and that he has turned mad. They kill him and assume the Sith are destroyed. THE END.

This series is pretty amazing and I am really impressed with how Drew was able to capture the exact essence of the Sith. They are just how I would picture them to be. Brutal and calculating but smart and always planning. I am looking forward to the epic battle between Zannah and Bane in the last book and am also looking forward to more books from this writer.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Characters, Species and All Things Important

So I have decided to make a list of all of the characters, planets, and some species that happen in the books so that it is easier to follow along as the series progresses. A lot of the characters come back in later novels and I want to keep them all straight. So I'll update the current books and then do the same moving forward.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Darth Bane: Path of Destruction

Written by Drew Karpyshyn. 1020 years before A New Hope.

This novel follows the story of the rise of the dark lord Darth Bane and the creation of the Rule of Two.

Darth Bane comes from this remote planet that provides resources to the Republic during the Sith War. Bane works in the mines until he gets in a fight with one of the other workers and bites off this guys finger. He gets suspended from work and goes to the local cantina. There are a few republic soldiers there and they are playing cards while trying to recruit people to join the army. Bane gets into it with them and as he leaves the bar later that night, he gets into a scuffle and kills one of the soldiers. He then flees to join the Sith army. In the Sith army he rises through the ranks through incredible feats and gets noticed by one of the Dark Lords. The Dark Lord sends him to Korriban to get trained in the ways of the Dark Side. While at the temple he gains the notice of all of the teachers and becomes a praised apprentice. He kills another student in the dueling ring and sets a new example for the other students.

With that kill he fears what he has become and falls away from the dark side allowing the other students to take advantage of him and the teachers to ignore him. In a desperate attempt to gain back some prestige he challenges the top student in the dueling ring and loses miserably. He is henceforth shamed.

Meanwhile, on Ruusann the Jedi have joined forces into the Army of Light and have begun to attack the Brotherhood of Darkness lead by Lord Kaan. The Jedi are betrayed by one of their own, Githany. She tells all of their secrets to the Sith and then goes to the temple on Korriban to learn the ways of the Sith.

Once she arrives on Korriban, she makes an alliance with Bane and agrees to teach him what the teachers will not. He also supplements his studies by learning in the archives. Together they grow strong, but Bane grows even stronger and begins to question the teachings of the Brotherhood. He challenges the same student again but this time wins decisively. After his win, the leader of the school tells him he has to stop talking to Githany and he has to stop using the archives.

After the fight with his head lord, Bane leaves to find the secrets of the ancient Sith. He travels to the valley of souls to look in the vaults of the dead Sith master but finds nothing. As he returns to the temple, he discovers that the students are joining the ranks of the brotherhood and going to Russann to challenge the Jedi. He gets revolted because he feels that the equality that the brotherhood supports is a lie and so he leaves to go to a planet where he thinks there may be some ancient Sith roots. He finds a old holocron of the Sith Lord Revan. Through this holocron he realizes that the brotherhood is a lie and he creates the Rule of Two. One to embody the power and the other to crave it. He realizes that he needs to purge the current brotherhood and only take one apprentice to keep the Sith going. He knows that the only way to finish off the Jedi is by holding back and being patient and using cunning and treachery.

After this discovery he sends a peace offering to Lord Kaan and waits for his envoy from Ruusaan and Githany arrives and poisons him. He ends up escaping and going to Ruusaan anyway where he confronts the brotherhood and leads them towards using the peace offering he sent - the thought bomb. The brotherhood gathers in the caves and unleashes the thought bomb on the world. One hundred Jedi who went in to try to stop them and all of the Sith are destroyed. Bane survives and finds a young girl to take on as his apprentice.

This book was fast paced and exciting. I think Drew did an excellent job describing the flaws of the Sith and actually had you questioning the Jedi. It is really hard to convince people that know the Star Wars saga that the Jedi might not be the true people you think they are, but this book had me questioning the ways of the Jedi and almost cheering for the Dark Side. Uh Oh.

How Does This Happen?

Ok. This post has nothing to do with a specific book but more about the general story line of Star Wars. There are a few things that I simply DO NOT understand about this story in general. Now, I understand that there are Jedi and Sith and the force and lightsabers because none of those things exist in my world. I have no frame of reference so it is very easy to believe. But there are other things I cannot wrap my mind around because they don't even try to be realistic.

1. The planets: The way these authors describe these planets does not make any sense. For example, in Darth Bane #1 he states that there is only one town on the ENTIRE PLANET. There is no way that is true! Have you seen planet Earth? I live on planet Earth and you expect me to beleive that no matter where these characters go in space they land on the exact planet, in the exact spot, and find the exact right person they need to every time!? No, I cannot process that information knowing how many people are on planet Earth and how big it is. It makes no sense. That would be like landing in China and asking for me in America. Those little bastards have no idea who I am or where to even begin to look for me because they don't even have Facebook. No, I will not accept these menial descriptions. At least make it a little challenging for the characters to find the people they need.

2. The one-maned space crafts? Ok, here in America we have a little thing I like to call NASA and have you seen the spaceships that they put out to travel into SPACE? They don't like anything like a 747. Why? Because the atomosphere is completely different entering and exiting space so if you used the same airplane that you travel around the globe in there is no possible way that you could use that same aircraft to orbit the moon. You would die. So you are trying to tell me that Anakin can land his little speeder on his balcony and then turn around and travel to Mustafar? No way in hell.

I just feel like there are a lot of unexplained holes in this story. Now I know what you are saying, it's just a movie/book about a galaxy far far way a long long time ago but still it makes you wonder.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Knight Errant

Miller does it again in this Old Republic novel.
I had to skip ahead in the timeline because Barnes and Noble didn't have the Old Republic series, so we will have to go back to that.
This novel is based on the character, Jedi Kerra Holt, from a new line of comic books. It tells of a time when the Jedi were strong in the Republic but wrapped up in their own problems. The Sith are beyond the Outer Rim and just as strong. Neither really know much about the other. Kerra is taken on a mission with her master to free some people on a Sith planet but it goes wrong and her master is killed stranding her in Sith space.
She then goes to Lord Daimen's territory and tries to assassinate him. He leaves the world too soon to go fight his brother, Odion, and she carts along after him.
During the fighting the brothers side together and take out another Sith lord. Kerra escapes with a brigade of mercenaries and young children that were supposed to work for Daimen. Together they travel to another Sith territory and run into some messed up shit.
On this planet, twin brother and sister Sith are running the planet with the help of "brains". Like I said, messed up shit. It's creepy and weird and they get the hell out of there.
That's when they end up at yet ANOTHER Sith territory. This one is covered in snow and run by an ice queen. She acts like she is so civilized but really she is a weirdo too and once again our Jedi has to find a way out. But before she can do that, she finds out that all these crazy Sith are related and that they are controlled by their grandmother.
The ice queen then asks her to assassinate the grandmother, or dowager, but Kerra days "Hell no! I ain't your bitch" or something like that. She then gets locked in a torture chamber.
Fear not! She made a frenemy along the way who works for the dowager and comes along to free her. He also gives her and the mercenaries codes to peace out to the Republic. She fights off the ice queen and heads back to Coruscant with all the kids she saved.
The evil grandmother and ice queen? Still alive!
I thought this book was great and set up a chance for Miller to really go somewhere with this character. I hope to see a lot more of Kerra and not just in the comic books. I am also ready to read the novels preceding this one to find out how the Sith evolved to this point. I feel the Old Republic era has a lot of opportunity to grow as story lines and characters evolve and would love George to make some more movies!!